Legacy
by Liebling
Summary: “Wasn’t it you who told me this world is all we have? Wasn’t it you who put your arms around my neck and said that you were all mine?” “That was a long time ago.” Remus&Lily !Updated July 3rd-2009!
1. the story

_Legacy_

just to get you in the mood I'm going to set up the drabbles. How exciting. Bear in mind they won't be arranged in chronological order.

_

* * *

__You don't live in their time, you didn't know them, they must've died a million years ago.The only way you could begin to know them is through these short stories, these meaningless moments in time captured by words. Life isn't always perfect, these words won't always come out perfectly, words can only be manipulated so much. _

_The people drove them mad, drove them into each other's arms. They were hated, envied. Dark sunglasses and tousled morning hair. Lily was ravaged by what others thought of her, her imperfections, her flaws. Remus was left alone by those at Hogwarts--ignored, shunned. No one ate at Remus the way they ate at Lily--the way they loved to see her fall on her face and crumble. _

_"If someone should ever write a story about my life," Lily began, "I should hope they make it clear that I'm not always perfect...I should hope they say I like apple pie and red nailpolish and Remus most of all. Most of all. I don't care what happens, I like Remus best. Make them write that."_

Start::::


	2. Part 1

Author's Notice: I love love love drabbles. :) And I can easily motivate myself to update because they're so short. This series is based on Remus/Lily...the passion, the lies, the betrayl...nah, I'm just kidding. It's just about Remus and Lily, nothing fancy. Reeeview!

* * *

_"Remus..."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"What's it like?"_

_"What?"_

_"Being a werewolf?"_

_"Lonely," he said as he threw his History of Magic book up in the air and caught it with one hand. "Lonely."_

_Lily smiled weakly. "What's it like being Lily Evans?" He asked._

_"Loney," she said as she twirled around in a circle and suddenly stopped herself. "Lonely."_

_"I figured as much," the tall figure said. _


	3. Part 2

Author's Notice: If one person reads this then that is enough. 

My inspiration: "The public...they wanted a fairy princess to come and touch them, and everything will turn into gold and all their worries would be forgotten. Little did they realize that the individual was crucifying herself inside because she didn't think she was good enough."--Princess Diana

* * *

_"So, Remus, I was just sitting there in Potions and I was obviously quite miserable and I realized something."_

_"Not another of your silly ideas, Lily..."_

_"No, much different from that. I realized that me and you don't spend enough time together. Because really, you're all I have, not to make you feel bad if you ever decide to hate me or never talk to me again or anything but only because it's true. What am I without my Remus?"_

_"Perfect," he said and turned to look at her"the only thing that makes you imperfect is that you hang around with the likes of me. I'm holding you back."_

_"Are you kidding me? You're the only one keeping me sane."_

_"They ignore me," he said very quietly, "when they see me they look away, they know, they know I'm a werewolf, they know everything and I've told them nothing."_

_"They're afraid," she whispered back, "they don't understand. They're frightened. We must help them to understand."_

_"It's too long of a story."_

_"Nonsense, you're so emotionally messed up Remus. I adore you because you hide everything and don't let them--" she turned her nose up at the word "--rule your life, you don't let them see you sad. I wish I could do that. I'll just break down in front of everybody, I'll lose it...I'll lose it and I can't stop screaming."_

_"They love to see you screaming or crying...they love to see you on the floor picking up the broken pieces."_

_"It's sad, isn't it? That makes someone's day."_

_"They love you," he said, "but they hate you too. They love you so much they hate you, hate you so much they love you. You're everything they can't be."_

_"I'm everything nobody wants to be," she said, "look at me now, Remus, with wrecked mascara and an off centered nose and too-big robes. Look at me now with my heart on my sleeve and my feelings pouring out of me like water. Tell me this is perfect, Remus, tell me."_

_He went very quiet and put a hand on her shoulder, "it's hard being Lily Evans."_

_"It's only fair," she muttered darkly, "it's hard being Remus Lupin."_

_"But it does have its perks," she added as she leaned her head on his shoulder, "like right now. No one's around but us. It's me and you and this tree. Hello, tree, how are you?"_

_He laughed, "oh, Lily."_

_"What?"_

_"Nothing."_


	4. Part 3

This is too long to be a drabble but I couldn't help it. And the point of drabbles/vignettes is not to explain in great deal, I'm merely presenting this, if it doesn't make sense to you then that's because it's very confusing and twisted, but it also makes sense if you let it.

inspiration::: "I've never dropped anyone I believed in."--Marilyn Monroe

* * *

_"I just wonder what they're talking about and then I know, they're talking about Lucius and I, about Narcissa, how I stole Lucius from Narcissa. How much Narcissa loves Lucius. Oh whatever, nobody EVER loved Lucius as much as I loved him, that's ridiculous."_

_"There are nicer guys out there."_

_"Nobody asked you."_

_"You've got such an attitude, Evans."_

_"A mudblood and a pureblood, a mudblood and a pureblood. You don't think that's ingrained in my head? I can hear them saying it as though they're still stuck in there.I told Narcissa everything, I trusted her...all of them."_

_"Why don't you start at the beginning and never trust anybody ever again?"_

_Lily looked at Remus with tiny tears in her green eyes, "because..." she said, searching for the words, "...because I can't go back."_

_"You're only sixteen."_

_"But sixteen is a lifetime when you actually are sixteen."_

_"Lily..."_

_"And I thought I hated him, he deserved it, all of it. I really wanted to hate him, to scream that, to love the hate and keep it inside and let it stay there for as long as it wanted...maybe forever. But I don't hate him, not even a little bit. You can't say something that untrue, such an obvious and ridiculous lie."_

_"You think..."_

_"That Lucius and I could have gotten married? I must have thought of it a billion times. I have this messy red hair and these mesmerizing eyes and I'm far too skinnybut I'm not beautiful, not even a little. And Lucius was rich and handsome and you could see who he was through his eyes...we were suited. He'd grab my hand in the hallway and I'd get so nervous he'd whisper 'deep breath, Lily, deep breath, smile over at Peyton, wave at Johnson, he's waving at you...deep breath' and I'd look at him and say 'you're not smiling one bit.' Malfoy never smiled, he was so unhappy with the acts he put up but he kept putting them up, he kept adding to the facade. One step, two steps, three steps..."_

_"Here, have some water, don't work yourself up so..."_

_"They were all so jealous I was finally happy. When I was with Lucius, I was happy. I was so happy and no one wanted me to be happy, they wanted me to be miserable. They wanted to see me crying in the corridors and then laughing five seconds later in the Great Hall, you know, oh the many faces we wear--they wanted to see that. I was finally happy and they ripped that away from me like it was the last thing and only thing they'd ever held on to. They corrupted it and polluted it and all I ever did was love him."_

_"Maybe you'll never be normal, maybe you'll always be just a picture to them...a person thrown into a box, labeled, stereotyped..."_

_"...nothing, worthless, someone to use and abuse, unlucky, stupid..."_

_"Don't say that."_

_"I could go on forever."_

_"Lily, come here," he opened up his arms and she looked at him from her seat on the grass. She looked at him as though she couldn't believe it and she began to cry, trying desperately to cover her face with her hands. __"You couldn't possibly still want to be my friend," she choked out, "I've made so many mistakes."_

_She gave him a hug and held on tightly._

_"At least you didn't change Professor Barn's hair to pink today like Nicholas did."_

_"I guess," she said with a small smile, "I didn't do that. You would look nice with pink hair, Remus."_

_"Let's go back to the castle."_

_"Remus?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"You'll always be here, right?"_

_"Yeah, Lily, I hope so."_


	5. Part 4

Note From Moi:: James, Sirius, Peter, whatever, any other marauder will _**NOT EVER**_make a cameo in this fic. This is based on Remus and Lily, the only time you'll hear about any other character is through Remus and Lily talking about them. :) 

**We only want what's best for you  
That's why we tell you what to do  
And nevermind if nothing makes sense**

'Cause it all works out in the end  
You're just like us without a friend  
But you can build a privacy fence (Yeah)  
-- Sooner or Later by Michael Tolcher

* * *

_"So, Remus."_

_"So, Lily," he mimicked with ease, "what do you want now?"_

_"Must I have a reason to talk to my very best friend?"_

_"Yes, you must," he said with a lazy smile, "shoot."_

_"I was just thinking...I haven't been, you know, I've been distant lately."_

_"Yes," Remus said, who knew this all along, "you have been. You look awful."_

_"It's only fair for me to look awful when I feel awful, isn't it?" She said with a smirk. "Isn't it Remus darling?"_

_"Malfoy."_

_"It's a lot of things together. It's my marks, it's other people--it's them. It's Malfoy. Did you miss me? You know, when I wasn't here. I know it doesn't matter if someone misses me or not because I'll always come back here, back to you. But did you? Did you miss me? Just a little bit?"_

_"Lily, without you I have no one. Without me, you have everyone and everything."_

_"That isn't true, don't say such things! I have no one without you...no one that really matters."_

_"And James?"_

_"What a jerk."_

_"James or I?"_

_"Both, but especially James. And how dare you bring him up like that. What a low blow, tell your stupid friend to back off."_

_"Lily..."_

_"Don't talk to me like that! Don't talk to me like I've five years old, everyone does. Oh, Lily, sweetie...like I can't take it."_

_"Dance with me."_

_"What?"_

_"Dance with me, like this," he grabbed her hand and held it, his other hand was on her waist. Lily looked surprised, putting her hand on his shoulder._

_"Remus, what on earth...what are you--? Oh God," she started laughing as he began dancing, she followed his lead. "Remus!"_

_"What?" He said, as though he hadn't a care in the world._

_"Nothing," she said, thinking better of whatever she had to say, "let's just let it be."_


	6. Part 5

A/N: Taking Back Sunday is amazing music to write to. It's Christmas break, happiness!

Did I tell you my inspiration for Lily is myself?

(Sorry that's just an interesting little tidbit!)

* * *

_"Evans."_

_"Please," she said looking back at someone she had never seen before, "call me Lily."_

_"Lily, do you need help with your trunk?"_

_"Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't carry my trunk, you, you--what's your name?"_

_"Remus."_

_"Yes, thank you, Remus. Anyway, as I was saying, just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't carry my trunk."_

_"I didn't mean to suggest..."_

_"Right, anyway."_

_"You should let people help you out sometimes," he said, somewhat boldly. "You can't do everything on your own."_

_"And what would you know about that, Remus?" She said in a rude tone._

_"Look," he said, exasperated, "I was just trying to help." _

_"Remus," she called after him, "I'll carry my own trunk but maybe you can...walk with me, you know?"_

_"I don't know anybody either," he said as though reading her mind._

_"You know me now. It means a lot to me that you're walking with me..."_

_"It doesn't have to. Shall we then?" He pointed to the castle and she nodded._

_"And so," she threw her arms out dramatically, "the journey to Hogwarts begins."_


	7. Part 6

A/N: 

When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out - because that's what's inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside. ---Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

* * *

_She kicked at the grass in black buckled shoes, "how was your day?"_

_"Fine. Yours?"_

_"Fine. You don't look like hot stuff Remus, what's up with you?"_

_"Just thinking."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"If you love me you can just tell me."_

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"Well when you look at me like that, with your eyes like that I just know, you know? Like when I look at you after I've been crying or laughing real hard I look at you and I know that's how people who love each other look at each other."_

_"How do you know?"_

_She shrugged, "I can look at you and I don't need a mirror I just know...just know exactly how it looks. And when you look at me like that, you look just like the Remus I've always known. Like you love me."_

_"Could you be wrong?"_

_"I could be, but I'm not."_

_He laughed, "you're a strange girl."_

_"Remember," she said with a wink, "it's all in the eyes."_


	8. Part 7

A/N: Hope everyone had a joyous Christmas and you got everything you wanted and I hope you all had someone to kiss at Midnight on New Year's. I know I did...haha, nah, just on the cheek. ;) I was dancing the night away!

This music is forever for me. It's the stage thing, that rush moment that you live for. It never lasts, but that's what you live for.  
**--Bruce Springsteen**

* * *

_"You put on quite a show in the Great Hall."_

_"I didn't mean to, everyone just kept looking and why do people have to look when I'm messing up? It was between me and James and the whole Hall went silent but I wasn't about to stop, I just kept screaming at him."_

_He sighed and put a frail hand on her shoulder, "James was very angry after what you said to him."_

_"I'm sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all. "Stop getting his hopes up, Remus, you make it appear like James and I will ride off into the sunset on a white horse, but that will never happen if I have any choice in the matter."_

_Remus laughed and grabbed her hand, spinning her aroundin a slow circle, "forget about it, it doesn't matter."_

_She smiled weakly, "and if it does?"_

_"It doesn't," he said, spinning her again, faster this time, "so don't talk about it anymore."_

_"Oh, Remus! Don't spin me so fast, I'll--" _

_He spun her faster, laughing as Lily almost lost her balance, "you'll what?" he said, his voice being carried by the wind._

_"I'll faint!"_

_"You'll what?" He said, pretending not to hear her as he continued spinning her._

_She fell onto the grass, tumbling down the hill, "oh God, get over here and help me up."_

_Remus walked as slow as possible to the girl sprawled out on the grass, extending a hand. She took his hand, pulling him down right next to her._

_"That was a dirty trick."_

_"It's really not so dirty..." she said, "I just wanted to..."_

_And she kissed him. _

_"Lily."_

_"Yeah?"_

_He held her hand tightly, "don't let go, okay?"_

_"Okay, Remus."_


	9. Part 8

A/N:

Life has been kinda stupid lately for me! Drama with "the boys" and lots of things with school. It's been so long since an update and I'm sorry about that but HERE IT IS.

**I'm drunk and dirty, don't you know... (****Linda Ronstadt 'Willin')**

* * *

_"I didn't mean it! I didn't bloody mean it!"_

_"Quiet down, they'll all hear you."_

_"You kidding me? There's no one to be seen for miles. We're in the middle of nowhere."_

_"Lily, we're steps away from the castle."_

_"Hush."_

_She threw her arms around him and he rested his chin on her shoulder, "don't be silly," she whispered, "I was just teasing, shhh, I was just teasing, darling."_

_"It's just, lately..."_

_"You don't have to explain," she said dismissively, "Lily knows all."_

_"Oh please," he muttered into the green sweater he was currently resting his chin on, "you're fifteen."_

_"I'm everything you want," she said with a laugh. "Come on, you wanna go back to the castle?"_

_"No, I don't," he said, shuffling his feet along the dirt._

_"I don't know, I'm too tired to deal with everybody."_

_"Buck up, mate, come on, smile, oh darling, just a little smile...ah, there we go."_

_"Lily,"he said, sounding serious, "you can't make me feel better."_

_"I can't? Didn't you just smile?"_

_"I wasn't smiling, I was scowling."_

_"Oh yes you were you brute. Come on, let's go back inside, you'll catch cold out here."_

_"I'm going to the kitchens for pie."_

_"You've got to kick that addiction. You're conducting a marvelous tawdry love affair with pie when really, you're supposed to be conducting a marvelous tawdry love affair with ME. I must admit to being slightly jealous, lemon meringue pie always gets the boys."_

_He laughed, "May I conduct a 'marvelous tawdry love affair' with pie as well as you?"_

_"I will simply have to think about that," she said, trying desperately not to laugh."I won't play second fiddle to a lemon filled pastry. I always have to be best, you know that."_

_"You are ridiculous, and on top of that, you don't make sense."_

_"Isn't that what ridiculous means? Lacking sense?"_

_"You and your words."_

_"Me and my words? You and your pie."_

_"Close your pie hole."_

_"See, everything has to do with pie with you! And I will not shut my mouth, I will not be silenced!"_

_"Do I have to drag you back to the castle?"_

_"Yes. Kicking and screaming."_

_"Evans."_

_"Fine, fine, I'll come along. It's dark."_

**_"It's lovely."_**


	10. Part 9

A/N: I just want to thank you guys so much, you're so awesome & reviews really do get me writing faster because I get them in my inbox and I'm like oh yeah _Legacy!_ I need to update it! I am so proud of _Legacy_, it's just one of those fics that has my heart. :-) The reviews are awesome.

Inspiration:

My heart is yours to fill or burst,  
to break or bury, or wear as jewelery,  
which ever you prefer.  
Hands Down, Dashboard Confessional

* * *

_"Well, silly," she said as she brushed hair out of his eyes, "do tell how everything went."_

_"At Christmas?"_

_"No, at Aunt Mildred's... yes at Christmas."_

_He laughed. "My family always argues."_

_"They wouldn't be family if they didn't. What did you get? What did you eat? How did the new carpet look? Was it really beautiful?"_

_"I got a new broom, we ate ham, the new carpet was okay looking. Aren't you little Miss-Questions?"_

_"Aren't you little Mister-Answers?"_

_"If you want me to be."_

_"That's the thing, I don't want you to be anything, I just want you to be you because I think you're wonderful no matter what."_

_"Did you enjoy staying at Hogwarts? James stayed too, didn't he? You had him all to yourself, all the twitty little girls went home with ribbons in their hair to spend time with their rich families."_

_"I'm not worried about competition," she said, "little rich girls with ribbons don't phase me. As far as James went we did nothing...I mean we did a lot...so much, James is so...wise"_

_"Lily!"_

_She laughed. "Only teasing, Remus. Because you told me to, I did go to lunch with him at the Three Broomsticks. He was very nervous but very arrogant. 'I'll pay for that' and I said 'whatever you say, sweetie' and I ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. He turned red when the bill came."_

_"How did you get like this?" Remus said, clearly amused. "Who taught you to act like that?"_

_"I taught myself," she boasted, "I taught myself!"_

_"Aren't you a proud little bugger?"_

_"Aren't you a darling old man?"_

_"Oh be quiet."_

_"There's no spark with James and I," Lily said, suddenlysounding serious, "there's nothing there. When we ate together I stared down at my plate and ate perfectly just like Mother always taught me, James didn't touch his food, he stared at me like I wasn't really there.I wanted to scream 'why are you looking at me? you weigh nothing, why don't you eat and let me alone? why don't you go away?'"_

_"I have a feeling with you two. I can't explain it."_

_"Then you can bloody date James yourself," she said, "you and your feelings."_

_"You must give him a chance."_

_"I mustn't do anything! Except for kiss you, right now."_

_She kissed him and when they broke apart he laughed, "you're horrid."_

_"Look," she said, her hair blowing in the wind and one of her hands stuffed in the pocket of her black pants, "you're ridiculous for wanting me to test the waters with James when you love me. And I love you too. So let's just be together and forget about James. Let's just forget about everything."_

_"Everything?"_

_"Everything," she whispered, "it's only real if you can feel it. We're real. The Forbidden Forest is real. Right now is real."_

_"You. Are. Insane."_

_"And you are a jaded fellow who needs some love, come here Remus, don't make me chase you...oh come on," she ran over to him and threw her arms around him, kissing him on the cheek._

_He kissed her on the cheek, "okay, it's real, it's real..."_


	11. Part 10

A/N:

Sorry this is so long in coming. My life is being filled with drama which makes for interesting times. Anyway I wanted to tell ya'll that I figured out how to upload pictures from my digital camera to the computer so if you want a picture of me email me:

iheartstrbcks (at) aol dot com

I'll send you some. Sometimes it's nice to see the person who is doing the writing. :) I love you guys a lot. I have NOT forgotten about this fic, it's my pride and joy.

Inspiration:

You and me  
We come from different worlds  
You like to laugh at me  
When I look at other girls  
Sometimes you're crazy  
And you wonder why  
I'm such a baby  
Cause the Dolphins make me cry 

Well there's nothing I can do  
I only wanna be with you  
You can call me your fool  
Only wanna be with you 

Only Wanna Be With You (Hootie and the Blowfish)

* * *

_"I just can't believe seventh year is almost over, I so desperately want to be rid of Hogwarts." _

_"You've had the time of your life, Lily, you've accomplished everything you wanted to accomplish." _

_"But I come out broken," she said with a weak smile, "I have done it all, I think, I really have. But I am not whole, anymore, you know? I am not the same Lily that came into this at eleven." _

_"No one is, are they?" _

_"Some people are, look at Janet, you can look in her eyes and she is that same little girl first year who dropped the pitcher of pumpkin juice and ran into the lavatory crying. She is that same girl. And James, he is so untouched by everything real." _

_"You aren't surprised by life anymore?" _

_"Oh goodness no." _

_"I wake up every single day, Lily, and I am still amazed at the sky and the sun and the fact that we eat eggs prepared by house elves, you know, I really am." _

_"You're so innocent." _

_"And you aren't? You've learned so much but what have you done with it?" _

_"Become a bitter old woman," she laughed, "sometimes I am. I feel much older than seventeen, I feel at least sixty." _

_"You're brilliant." _

_"I am not, I am the most ridiculous person who has ever lived." _

_"You're so insecure. I'm not only amazed by eggs and the sun I'm amazed by you too. You walk into the Great Hall and you stand so straight with your messy unbuttoned shirts and wrinkly skirts and you smile at everybody, even at Malfoy. You flash him the biggest smile. And your eyes sparkle. And then I see you like this, and you're more human than anybody..." _

_"I don't want to be worshipped, Remus. No one really wants to be worshipped. I want a husband who I can put in his place and sometimes he can put me in my place. I am a lowly commoner," she struck a dramatic pose, "I am. I like butter on my bread and I like the countryside and that's it, that's absolutely it." _

_"You and James seem so happy." _

_She kicked at the dirt in her black buckled shoes, "sometimes we are and sometimes we aren't." _

_"You're a diplomat." _

_"Oh, but it's true isn't it? It all seems so useless, doesn't it? I mean what will be will be, I'm inclined to believe no one has a choice in anything. And no one can give you a good reason, yesterday I asked James why he loved me and he shrugged then said 'you have really nice eyes.'" _

_"Sounds empty." _

_"It is so empty." _

_"Why go through with all of this?" _

_"I don't know, I really don't. Me and you could be so happy together, maybe we'd eat each other alive but we'd be so happy. We'd have everything." _

_"No, no, we wouldn't. Nothing can be perfect, Lily." _

_"We can." _

_"You're mad." _

_"Just mad about you!" She laughed, falling backwardsinto theovergrown grass. "Oh God, you make me feel so full and James leaves me feeling so alone." _

_"Get your priorities straight, dear," he said, exaggerating his accent. _

_"I'll try, but for now you just sit by me, yeah, right there." _

_"I'll get grass stains." _

_"Oh go cry about it, Remus," she teased. _

_"Fine, I'll sit." _

_"I want to make you proud, Remus." _

_"You already have, Lily Marie."_


	12. Part 11

A/N: The big whopper of a chapter, I know! Sorry it's been so long that I've written but I hope this makes up for it. **Wow.** This is too long for a drabble but I couldn't short change you guys on this chapter, it's too important. By the way, I have read Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince andI need to start writing one shots on it!

Inspiration: I can't think of anything specific for this chapter but I wrote it listening to Something Corporate and at one point Remus says "It's all you" which is a line from Konstantine...

* * *

_His hands were shaking ever so slightly as he reached out to her, "really?"_

_"Yes," she said, moving to be closer to him. "Yes, and I never wanted it to be--"_

_"Right."_

_"Oh, Remus, please don't..."_

_"Don't what?" _

_"Don't shake like that." She held his hand tightly in hers._

_"Oh."_

_"I never thought we'd be getting married so early..."_

_"But you and James will be so happy together."_

_She shrugged, her plain engagement ring flickering in the sunlight, "ifwe're not it'd be quite a mistake, wouldn't it?" She gave a hollow laugh._

_"I'm sure of it," he said, kissing her forehead, "I know it'll be okay."_

_"If this is the rightchoice why does it feel so wrong? I feel as though I've been pressured into this."_

_"By who?"_

_"James. Mummy. Everyone here. My own definition of what the perfect life should be."_

_"You don't have to explain it to me."_

_"Are you kidding me? If I have to explain it to anyone it's you, it's not me, it's not God, it's not anyone else...it's you."_

_"Don't be ridiculous," he said, brushing her off._

_"Why are you so cold to me all of a sudden? You're the one person I need right now and you're the one person who is turning away from me."_

_"That's always how it is, isn't it?" He said, his tone less than friendly._

_"Please, not you too. You always wanted me to marry James, you brainwashed me all these years 'you and James' 'you and James' oh, God...you wanted this just as bad as everyone else wanted it. I was eleven years old and I knew nothing and people were walking up to me calling me Mrs Potter, I had no idea why...James spread so many rumors, he threw me into this..."_

_"All you do is blame people. If you don't want to marry James, don't marry him."_

_"It's not as simple as that, Remus." she said, saying his name as though it were foul._

_"I've never talked down to you, Lily, you know that. I've never treated you like you were a little girl. You're seventeen, you've dated James for two years, you have your own life, you need to live it...I can't tell you what to do, I can't complete the circle, I can't make it all better."_

_She began crying, noisy sobs, she turned her back to him and faced the tree,refusing tolook at him "...but I didn't want anybody to complete the circle except for you."_

_"Lily, you're pounding on a door that's unlocked."_

_"I can't get out..." she said, appearing frantic, "it is locked, it's locked..."_

_He walked over to her and turned her around to face him, "it's open," he said, his eyes doing the speaking as much as his voice, "it's open."_

_She looked at him with bright emerald eyes and breathed in deep, her hands on his shoulders, "you knew it all along, didn't you?"_

_"I tried to pretend I didn't," he said with a shrug, "but yes, I've been preparing myself for it."_

_"I do love James, just not in the way I'm supposed to."_

_"And what way are you supposed to?"_

_"You know when you eat and you eat and you don't get any fuller? When you read page after page and none of it sinks in? When you're spinning so fast you can't stop and nothing seems real?"_

_"Yes," he said, a bit unsure of what she was getting at._

_"That's how it feels with James."_

_"In comparison to?"_

_"When you have a bite of cheesecake and you swear it's the best thing you've ever tasted, when you read one sentence and it hits you like a ton of bricks, when he seems real and everything seems real...like Heaven on earth. That's love, Remus."_

_He just stood there, staring at her._

_She returned his stare and crossed her ankles, "James always gets what he wants, hmmm?"_

_"I suppose."_

_"I have to lead a stable life," she said, suddenly appearing very put together, "I have to grow up."_

_"Yes, some day."_

_"I guess now's my time."_

_"It's your time, Lily, it's all you."_

_"I suppose."_

_"Tomorrow's our last day of Hogwarts. Can you imagine?"_

_"Of course not," she said, "who could?"_

_"I desperately wanted it to be over, but I fear I'llbe lost without it."_

_"You'll find your way. Know that you're loved by me, yeah?"_

_"And that'll be my light in the darkness?" He replied caustically._

_"It could be your everything," she said, not skipping a beat. "Who knows?"_

_"I'll be invited to the wedding, I presume?"_

_"Of course, I have to get my dance in with Mr. Lupin, you'll twirl me around...like you always do?"_

_"Yes, yes. Lily?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"How many months are you?"_

_She stared at him and felt chills going through her body, "what do you mean?"_

_"How many months pregnant are you?"_

_"Remus..."_

_"Lily. How many months?"_

_"Oh, Remus, oh..."_

_"That's part of the reason, isn't it?"_

_"How could it not be?" She said, still reeling from his comment, "no one in this school knows except for James and I, and he holds it against me at every turn. 'You don't want to be the tramp with the baby at home as you waitress, do you?' 'You don't want precious Mummy and Daddy to see how far their daughter fell from grace, do you?' 'If we get married, it'll fix this problem.' I looked at him and I said: 'our child is not a problem.'"_

_"You could've told me."_

_"Actually, I couldn't have...it makes things harder, doesn't it?"_

_"Harry. If he's a boy name him Harry, okay?"_

_"Why?"_

_"When I was little I always wished my name was Harry. When he's old enough maybe you can tell him that you once loved a man named Remus..."_

_"...who was oh so handsome and amazing and who I loved more than the Minister of Magic loves scandal."_

_"...who loved you so much."_

_"Someone ought to," she said with a smile. "Someone ought to."_

_"Come here," he said and she stood next to him. He placed his hands on her waist and she put her arms around his neck, sensing what was about to happen. "Dance with me?"_

_"Any time," she said, "everyone can use a little bit of dancing." _

_They began dancing, slow at first and then faster, laughing and staring at each other._

_He placed his hand on her stomach and smiled, "you're going to be something great" he said, so quietly that even Lily couldn't hear him._

_They continued dancing, stumbling over tree stumps and their feet moved so quickly they were soon dancing on overgrown weeds. The clear blue sky looked down on its two children and revealed a bright sun. Lily was barefoot and wearing oversized robes, her hair falling into her eyes. Remus laughed and brushed her hair out of her face, his pants were too short for him and his white collared shirt was wrinkled and unbuttoned. Perhaps time had not changed themso much after all._

_"Twirl me around," she said loudly._

_"What?" He said, kidding her, pretending not to hear. "What was that?"_

_"Twirl me around, twirl me around!" She said, giggling and he twirled her around and around._

_The world would have to wait._


	13. Part 12

A/N: You guys seriously rock my world. I randomly decided to update tonight. School starts on Monday, can't believe it. Class of 06...yes!

* * *

_"You're my only love," she said as he playfully touched a finger to her upturned nose. "My only only love!"_

_"If only that could be enough," he said dryly._

_"Enough to what?" She asked, meeting his eyes._

_"You know, stop this war."_

_"Well, I can't postpone my love until this war ends, you know. It may never end."_

_"It'll kill you someday."_

_"What?"_

_"That naivety."_

_"I'm only thirteen," she said and touched his nose justas he touched hers, "I'm onlythirteen and I shall be as naive as I please."_

_"You believe in us?"_

_"I never said that."_

_"No, but do you?"_

_"Of course."_

_She sat down on the tree stump and he sat next to her, fiddling with his fingers as she laced up her boots. "Anyway," she said briskly._

_"Lily..."_

_"What do you want with me?"_

_"A smile."_

_"Oh," she flashed him a smile and continued with her boots, "I can never tie them tight enough."_

_He moved from his seat and bent down on one knee to tie her boots for her, "I can help you with that."_

_"Oh God, I can't even tie a shoe!" _

_"Yes, you're pathetic," he teased._

_"Pathetic and lovely," she said, making eyes at him._

_"Don't you make eyes at me!"_

_"Make eyes? Me? Never!"_

_"You'll be a vixen someday, you know."_

_"I don't think I want to be a vixen," she said, thinking about it, "I think I just want to be Lily."_

_"No more, no less?"_

_"Well, maybe a bit more sometimes. Lily Evans isn't enough sometimes."_

_"I think it's always enough. Just you," he said, looking at her._

_"Oh, and I'm the one who makes eyes at you, hmmm?"_

_"Men don't make eyes at women. Women make eyes at men."_

_"You want me!"_

_"I do not want you!"_

_"Yes you do...Remus Lupin wants me, and I'm his girl!" She yelled, as though announcing it to the whole world._

_"You're ridiculous, and learn how to tie your boots."_

_She looked down at her tightly tied boots, "why thank you kind Sir."_

_"Your welcome, Madam."_

_She gently kissed his forehead and rubbed a hand through his tousled hair, "this war may never end."_


	14. Part 13

A/N: 

Gosh, I'm terrible. I haven't updated in forever. I'm sorry guys but remember I'm not giving up this fic so please don't forget to check up on it every once in a while. :) It's my senior year and so I'm a bit busy and there's always drama and AP classes blah blah blah. I need to update more though 'cause it only takes me like fifteen minutes to write these so yeah, sorry.

Inspiration: 

The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core strength within you that survives all hurt. --Max Lerner

* * *

_"He killed a man once," he said with a funny look on his face and a quick glance at the Heavens._

_"I loved a man once," she said with much the same look and a glance at him. "You ever wonder?"_

_"Well, yeah."_

_"Sometimes I feel like me and you are Heaven, just us."_

_"Really?"_

_"Well, yeah," she said, mimicking his voice with ease._

_"You know me too well."_

_"I'll drink to that," she said, holding up her goblet and clinking it with his._

_"You'll drink to anything."_

_She laughed and rolled over nex to him, head on his chest as they laid on overgrown grass. __They laid in silence until shegasped, "look at that cloud--it's a hippo."_

_"It's not a hippo, it's a dinosaur."_

_"That thing is not a dinosaur. Look at the behind on it!"_

_"I'm not looking at some fake hippo's behind."_

_"Oh, so you only look at real hippos behinds?"_

_"Lily, be quiet."_

_"Remus, don't boss me around."_

_They laughed and went back to staring at the clouds in silence, "hippo" she whispered so quietly it would have been impossible to hear her._

_"Dinosaur," he said._

_"How's Daisy?"_

_"Jenkins?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Oh, good."_

_"Are you two--"_

_"Not yet."_

_"Soon? Oh, Remus, I hope--"_

_"It'll tear us apart."_

_"Nothing's gonna tear us apart. I just don't know why you want her."_

_"Lily...we've gone through this."_

_"I know," she said, "but you have to tell me something."_

_"Not if it will hurt you."_

_"Yes, you'll just have to hurt me if that's what it takes. I'm sixteen and I've got a lifetime to get over it. So buck up and quit making excuses. Do you love me?"_

_He sighed and looked down at her with his sparkling eyes._

_"You don't have to say anything," she said, "that answered my question."_

_"You're cocky."_

_"No, I just know what I want," she said with a wink and gracefully got up from the ground...she began to skip. "Daisy's a good girl," she said, turning back to face him, "but she's not me."_

_"She's a very good girl."_

_"Face it, she's boring and mediocre. She's nothing but eyeliner and straight hair and she's got a cute nose and an average intelligence and she likes her coffee with extra sugar. And what's worse, is that you know just how boring she is, you know just how mediocre she is."_

_"Are you suggesting--"_

_"I'm not suggesting anything, I'm saying it."_

_"You're jealous."_

_"No, because I know this won't tear us apart."_

_"And you know--"_

_"It'll always be us in the end, yeah."_

_"You can't wait forever."_

_"Don't underestimate me."_

_He smiled and slung an arm lazily around her shoulder, "I do, you know, think this will tear us apart..." he said._

_"Okay, you warned me, I got the memo, I'm well informed," she replied, sarcastic as usual._

_"I never thought I'd find somebody like her, I think she really loves me, Lily."_

_"She's not the only one."_

_"We've tried this so many times, Lily, we can't keep hurting ourselves by thinking that you and me will..."_

_"Oh, I know, I just...wishful thinking, you know."_

_"You've got the world."_

_"It doesn't matter unless I have you."_

_"Tell me it's okay to be with her...I need to hear it from you."_

_"Of course it's okay," she said, "but I bet you it'll hurt you more than me in the end."_

_"Why?"_

_"I'd rather try to make this work with us then have somebody who's a sure thing, any day."_

_"James is a sure thing."_

_"James is a very sure thing."_

_"You know what I want to say, don't you?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Then that'll do."_

_"Yes, it'll do."_


	15. Part 14

**Author's Notice:  
I'vebeen busy being a crazy 17 year old.  
Sorry!  
PS: Un-grammar checked (which really shouldn't be a surprise to you guys) ;)**

* * *

_"Did you get my note?"_

_"Yes. I read it during Potions, I almost spit out my pumpkin juice I was laughing so hard. I wish I had Transfiguration with you."_

_"I was almost snorting."_

_"Oh, Remus, don't you know you are most charming when you snort? Hasn't anyone ever told you that?"_

_"No one has ever heard me snort except for you."_

_"Yes, and I think it's charming."_

_"You think everything strange is charming."_

_"Someone should."_

_"I spoke to Priscilla today."_

_"She's amusing for a child. Do you fancy her?"_

_"I suppose."_

_"You think she's intelligent enough?"_

_"I suppose."_

_"Oh you have your knickers in such a twist because you can't have me. Well, you don't want me. If you wanted me you could have me, you know."_

_He went very quiet and she smiled her sly smile and stuck her nose in the air, it almost reached the clouds._

_"I don't know where you get off discussing my feelings for you when we were clearly speaking about Priscilla."_

_"I'm so sorry Mr. 'I suppose, I suppose' in your blandest voice...which is very very bland, mind you. You don't fancy Priscilla. You don't have your eyes on anyone except for me. You are so silly!"_

_"You are such an arrogant tramp, do people tell you that often?"_

_"Yes, everyone! Everyone tells me that."_

_He smiled in spite of himself (as usual) and she kissed his cheek as though they were posing for a black and white picture. "And good thing I'm a tramp, you like tramps by the looks of Priscilla."_

_"That was just the nail in the casket," he said with a roll of his eyes._

_"I had to do it. I couldn't resist."_

_"I wonder what you'll be like when you're eighteen," he said, thinking aloud._

_"Just as I am now, hopefully. I wonder about you, I bet you will be lonesome. I hope not."_

_"I'll never be lonely if I have you."_

_"And you'll always have me. Always."_

_She reached over and grabbed his hand, rubbing her thumb along his palm. "Okay, Remus? You must not ever run away! When life gets too hard I'll take care of you."_

_"Life is already too hard."_

_"And I take care of you, don't I? I chop up your carrots for you and fill your flask with pumpkin juice, I write and you dictate, I bring you extra blankets in bed...I love you, really. More than anyone."_

_She straightened out his tie._

_"You're like sugar and acid, you know."_

_"And you're like lovely and lovely," she said with a giggle._


	16. Part 15

A/N: I'm never going to forget about this fic so don't lose faith in me! I think about it every single day. Love ya guys and I really do miss writing.

* * *

_"Do you believe it?"_

_"What?"_

_"That love can conquer all?"_

_"Of course not," he said and met her eyes with a cold stare. "Do not think that Lily Evans, not for a second. It will wreck you."_

_"What? Life?"_

_"No, life doesn't wreck you...it is the believing that will wreck you."_

_"Oh nothing can wreck me, Remus."_

_She picked a lonely daisy from the field, kissed it, and threw it up in the air only to watch the wind carry it far away. "Nothing can wreck me," she said once more and faced him with a dignified look on her upturned face._

_"Ridiculous."_

_"Must you always be such a prat?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Why did I have to become best friends with you anyway?" She said with a laugh._

_"You fell captive to my charm, wit, and good looks?"_

_"I believe it is me who should be saying that to you Mr Lupin!"_

_"Rubbish."_

_She fixed the collar of his shirt with a 'hmph' and sat down on the grass. "Come sit by me."_

_"Why?"_

_"So I can snog you senseless and then steal all the money hidden in your pocket...oh don't look at me like that, I just want to speak to you."_

_"Your mouth is going to get you in infinite amounts of trouble one day."_

_"Then I might as well have fun while I can, right? Before I get caught?"_

_A smile slipped across his lips and he sat down next to her._

_"You are afraid to come closer?" She asked, beckoning him with one finger._

_"You, my dear, are a little girl with a pointy nose and wild hair...nothing to be afraid of."_

_"But I am an enigma, Remus, darling," she said, mimicking his tone, "I could slice your heart open with one precious look."_

_"You will be a heartbreaker but you will **never** get to me."_

_"I will dangle your heart right in front of your beautiful eyes but I will never let it slip."_

_He rolled his eyes as she began again, with even more confidence this time (if that was possible) "You are the only one for me."_

_"Why are you saying that?"_

_"Why not?"_

_"You are fourteen."_

_"...and I will turn this world upside down."_

_"Your heart will lead you to disaster."_

_"Your mind will kill you one day. What is the difference? What does it matter?"_

_"Lily Marie Evans..."_

_"Yes?"_

_"Please shut up and give my poor brain a break."_

_"Okay, darling."_


	17. Part 16

_"James has been looking for you all day."_

_"That's quite a disappointment for him," she said, rolling her eyes._

_"Why do you resist him?"_

_"It isn't right," she said, shaking her head, "there's something wrong with it."_

_"With what?"_

_"I mean, I'm sixteen...I'm not supposed to be with James Potter, I would tell anyone that."_

_"How do you know that?"_

_"I don't need a mirror to tell you that when I look at James my eyes don't sparkle."_

_"What does that have to do with anything?"_

_"You know when things are right and you know when things are wrong, it's simple."_

_"He loves you."_

_"He doesn't know me," she said coldly, brushing a leaf off her skirt._

_"He wants to..." he said, pleading with her, "he really does."_

_"Do you want me?"_

_"What?"_

_"Do you want me?"_

_"What sort of question is that?"_

_"It doesn't matter, anyway..." she said "I'm yours whether you want me or not!"_

_"Oh Lily..."_

_"You can tell James that I don't like him, I flick him off as though he's a fly but he doesn't get it. No one else gets it either. Do you get it?"_

_"It'd be the perfect life."_

_"It'd be devoid of love, it's the easy way out."_

_"Don't be ridiculous, there is no easy way out."_

_"The most important thing to me is breaking hearts, Remus. The second most important thing is love."_

_"That's contradicting."_

_"Every truth contradicts every other truth," she said as though she knew everything._

_"So what does it mean?"_

_"I say the vague things and you figure them out...it's kind of how we work."_

_"Right," he said sending her an icy glare and throwing her an apple._

_"I talk myself in circles, you thought you knew exactly who I was the day you met me but you were incorrect. That's what I do with people...I portray an image, a very strong, obvious image and I sell it to them like chocolate frogs on Platform 9 and 3/4. I sell it to them effortlessly and their minds start clicking...effortlessly. James cannot see me without picturing that image. When you look at me you see a million crushed up pieces, that's me."_

_"You trick people."_

_"No, I make things easy for them...there isn't any point showing meaningless people the complicated stuff."_

_"How do you decide who matters?"_

_"I just know," she shrugged._

_"Who are you?"_

_"I'm what you wished you were when you were young."_

_He sighed and grabbed her hand and held on tight, "there's no other."_

_"I know," she said with a wink, "you're pretty damn unforgettable yourself."_

_"It wasn't a compliment, Evans."_

_"Whenever you call me by my last name you're upset...would a kiss cheer you up?"_

_"LILY."_

_"REMUS."_

_"PASS ME THAT STICK ON THE GROUND SO I CAN BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH IT."_

_"OH VERY CLEVER...SCREAMING YOUR BATTLE PLANS ALOUD SO THE WHOLE CASTLE CAN HEAR IT. OH LOOK, HERE I AM PICKING UP THE STICK WHICH IS CONVENIENTLY LOCATED RIGHT NEXT TO ME. OH LOOK, HERE I AM BEATING REMUS OVER THE HEAD WITH IT!"_

_He laughed and finally wrestled the stick away from her. "Swear you'll never change," he said._

_"Why?"_

_"Swear it."_

_"Okay, I swear I'll never change."_


	18. Part 17

**Dedicated To: The Sacred Feminine, who was getting frustrated that Remus and Lily didn't kiss very much! Haha. Oh my goodness I just gave it away. ;)**

**x**

**x**

**x**

_"Mummy's letter came today."_

_"What did it say?"_

_"She asked if I had met any nice boys and if I had kissed any bad ones."_

_"Ha."_

_"I know! I wrote back that I hadn't met any nice boys but I had kissed loads of bad ones. She'll be angry when she gets it."_

_"Have you really kissed bad ones?"_

_"Well, sure."_

_"Anyway."_

_"Yeah, anyway. You know that every single day of my life I have to live with the fact that I would be better in Slytherin."_

_"I should have been in Ravenclaw."_

_"Oh, I know that...you don't have to tell me. All you do is think, you're ridiculous."_

_"Some would consider thinking a good thing, Lily."_

_"I suppose but that person is not me."_

_"You just do wild things with your eyes closed and your fingers crossed don't you?"_

_"Basically."_

_"Don't you think that's ridiculous?"_

_"No."_

_"That's it?"_

_"What?"_

_"Just no?"_

_"Yeah. Just no. I don't have to justify my life to you and I don't have to explain anything. I don't think it's ridiculous, I think it's the only way to live and I don't know what you're getting at either."_

_"You just seem so unhappy."_

_"I am, of course."_

_"Why?"_

_"You're the famous thinker, you figure it out."_

_"I bet you're unhappy because you're dating Malfoy and you could have anyone you want."_

_"To my knowledge Malfoy is the only boy who likes me," she said, with a glint in her eye that suggested she was lying._

_"Malfoy is not the only boy who likes you."_

_"Well, he's the only one who matters."_

_"Right."_

_"Oh quit your pouting, Malfoy and I aren't even together. You can kiss me if you please."_

_He did want to kiss her, of course but he was much too nervous to coordinate his lips brushing against her lips. "Uh..."_

_"See, darling, you are all thoughts and no action..."_

_"That is not true," he said, almost choking on his own tongue, "that is not true."_

_"You aren't so brave for a Gryffindor..." she teased. "Do I make you nervous? On edge? Absolutely scared out of your pants? Wishing the world would end so you wouldn't have to deal with awkward situations like the one we are currently in?"_

_"Shut up."_

_"I am more of a man than you are!" She said with a smirk._

_"Sorry I don't go around the girls dormitories the way you go around the boys dormitories, Evans."_

_"That is a pathetic comeback for someone with a brain your size, Lupin."_

_"It is not."_

_"I just don't understand," she said, feigning innocence, "it is as though you don't want to kiss me, which I think is silly. I mean, you're about ready to lose your opportunity to kiss Miss Lily..."_

_But before she could get out another word he had kissed her._


	19. Part 18

**A/N: Wow, part 17 & 18 done in one day...that's pretty rare for me & lucky for you! You get less reviews this way but oh well. Read Part 11 again** (Technically Chapter 12)** just because if these were arranged chronologically** (which they obviously aren't) **that one would be right after this one and sometimes people like to put it together that way.**

**Inspiration:  
'You're burnin' bridges baby Burnin' bridges, making wishes Yeah you're burnin' bridges baby Burnin' bridges, making wishes You're burnin' bridges baby Burnin' bridges, making wishes Yeah you're burnin' bridges baby Burnin' bridges, making wishes**

**You're a chance taker, heartbreaker Got me wrapped around your finger Chance taker, heartbreaker Got me wrapped around your finger'  
--Heels Over Head by Boys Like Girls**

**x**

**x**

**x**

_"Lily Evans."_

_"Yes."_

_"Look at me in the eyes."_

_"Okay," she peered into his eyes with a dazed look. "I'm looking."_

_"You have to answer one question for me."_

_"I'll answer dozens but one will do for now!"_

_"It's a serious question."_

_"Okay."_

_"It's a yes or no question."_

_"Okay."_

_"Are you with James?"_

_"Emotionally or physically?"_

_"What?"_

_"You asked me if I was with James, I could be with him physically but emotionally not there at all. Do you understand?"_

_"No, I don't...now please just answer the question."_

_"Yes, I guess."_

_"So you are with James?"_

_"Yes, I guess."_

_He stared up at the parting clouds and kicked at a patch of grass with his black boots._

_"You think I don't love you, don't you?" She asked._

_"I never said that."_

_"But you think that...you think I love James, I've never loved James."_

_"You're eighteen and you know nothing about love."_

_"They tell us we know nothing about love but they are wrong."_

_"You'll grow up and love him."_

_"No. I would only get married because I was hopelessly in love with a boy, I wouldn't get married for any other reason."_

_"What if you got pregnant?"_

_"What?"_

_"What if you got pregnant?"_

_"I won't get pregnant," she laughed, "James and I only kiss. Anyway, I guess I would get married so the baby could have the best life possible. I'm not selfish the way some girls are, I know I couldn't make it alone."_

_"See that's the thing Lily you have these big dreams and they're always crushed in the face of reality, when trouble comes."_

_"If one does not have big dreams one has nothing worth living for."_

_"You mean dreams are your crutch for reality?"_

_"No, I mean that dreams are what make reality bearable."_

_"You're silly."_

_"Seems to me you are mistaking silly for sexy Remus darling."_

_"Lily!"_

_"I didn't know I was being naughty," she said, holding back a giggle and taking his hand in hers. "This friendship was built off of dreams anyway, this friendship was built off the idea that reality was too harsh. And reality is much too harsh without friends."_

_"So you and James..."_

_"What about us? There is honestly nothing to know."_

_"You don't talk about him."_

_"I'm not crazy about him, that's why."_

_"You don't want to make me angry."_

_"No, I don't care about that."_

_"Want to know a secret?"_

_"What?"_

_"If I didn't have you I wouldn't believe in dreams."_

_"Oh Remus..."_

_"Really."_

_"And if I didn't have you nothing else would matter."_

_"We're all we have."_

_"Yeah. Frightening, isn't it?"_

_"Little bit."_

_She smiled and he fiddled with the collar of his shirt. She skipped around the empty field with a flower in her hair and a spring in her step. He watched her skip far far away and then watched her turn around. Lily always came back to Remus. She began skipping back but stopped near a tree, blew him a kiss, turned around and touched her toes. She turned back around and laughed, seeing the shocked look on his pale face. She skipped back to him and rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm going to make a lot of terrible choices," she said. "But please never leave me."_


	20. Part 19

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long!**

x

x

x

_"You're beautiful."_

_"Maybe sometimes."_

_"Much too good for James."_

_"You think so?"_

_"Maybe sometimes."_

_She laughed and clasped her pinky finger with his. "Maybe all the time?"_

_"No," he said, obviously teasing her. "Just sometimes."_

_"I'm your best friend's girl," she said, standing on tip toes and whispering in his ear. "Your best friend's girl."_

_"I would never jeopardize your relationship. I don't want that."_

_"Liar."_

_"I wouldn't."_

_"But you want to...that's just as bad."_

_"Shut up," he said, turning away from her with a sour look on his face._

_"Oh don't be so sour, darling."_

_"You're horrid."_

_"I don't want to be," she said, feigning innocence._

_"You weren't so naughty when you were fourteen."_

_"I'm almost eighteen now, what am I supposed to be? A picture of grace and innocence?"_

_"You've turned into a heartbreaker. A vixen. I told you that you would."_

_"I never believed you."_

_"There are only traces of the Lily Evans I knew left."_

_"Like when?"_

_"When your hair is messed up and your eyes are wild...when you slurp your tomato soup like an ogre...when you put on my hat and twirl around."_

_"Have I changed all that much?"_

_"Of course."_

_"You haven't...you're still the little boy I longed to protect and to shelter. To love and to grow old with."_

_"Hmm."_

_"I remember when I first met you I thought 'he's going to have a terrible time if no one stands by his side.' I suppose you can say that for everyone but I really thought you needed someone."_

_"Why?"_

_"To polish your boots, to make you biscuits in the middle of the night, to grab your hand when you get that sad look on your face..."_

_"Maybe I did."_

_"I know I'm not as lovely and unrehersed as I was back then...but I'm still the Lily you grew to love. I hope you still love me, Remus...I could never stop loving you as much as I've tried sometimes. You're his best friend, you know?"_

_"I know."_

_"I know you'll be at the wedding and..."_

_"Why don't we just talk about something else?"_

_"Like what?"_

_"Oh I don't know...dragons or something."_

_"What about that time it was raining and you insisted that I dance with you and then I kissed your neck and you told me to never stop?"_

_"How about...dragons," he said, gulping ever so slightly and turning red._

_"I can still make you blush!"_

_"Lily Evans, you are a sick little girl for getting so much pleasure out of things like that."_

_"You drive me crazy but I'll never love anybody as much as I love you."_

_"Is that so?"_

_"Yes. I know you don't want to say you love me and everything but I know you do when you look at me so it's alright."_

_"Oh."_

_She reached over and rewrapped his scarf around his neck for him. "How 'bout a race?"_

_"It's almost time for a supper."_

_"James always saves me a spot and plus, it's only meatloaf tonight."_

_"Stop teasing me, you know I love meatloaf."_

_"Do you think it'll happen?"_

_"What?"_

_"Me and James?"_

_"Yes, of course. It's destiny."_

_"Good because I wouldn't want to if it wasn't destiny, you know?"_

_"I guess."_

_"Race you back to the castle!" She screamed and bolted towards the brick steps, her coat billowing behind her._

_He started running and then slipped in a patch of mud, falling flat on his face. "Lily!"_

_She turned back around and ran to him, her cheeks flushed and a big smile on her face. "You're so bloody clumsy."_

_"My leg hurts," he pouted._

_"What a baby!"_

_He scowled._

_"Okay dearest, give me your hand..." he slipped his hand in hers and she pulled him to his feet. "Good?"_

_"Better now that I'm not in the mud."_

_"We'll walk this time."_

_They began walking back to the castle, much slower this time. She linked his arm in hers and he stole a glance at her as she looked up at the cloudy sky. "Maybe things don't change as much as you think they do..." he whispered._

_"What?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"I know," she whispered, "maybe things are just as they always were."_


	21. Part 20

Author's Note: I'm so sorry this has taken so long! I hope this chapter makes up for it. It's dedicated to the real life Lily, Rhiannon. :) Also, this chapter is a little bit less rated PG than the others and if you're offended by that, don't read it.

* * *

_"But I'm not pretty like a picture, Remus."_

_"Did James actually say that?"_

_"Yes, we were at dinner and he stopped eating and he got really quiet because you know James can't think and eat at the same time, or play quidditch or think or anything because he's horribly thick but anyway...and his eyes burned a hole in my ear and finally I looked at him. He said 'you're pretty like a picture.'"_

_"What did you say?"_ Remus asked, trying to hide the very obvious smile curling on his lips.

_"I said, 'yes and I'm expensive, you'll never be able to afford me.'"_

_"You're awful."_

_"I don't try to be."_

_"If it makes you feel any better I certainly don't think you're pretty like a picture."_

_"Good."_

_"You're more like...a light wind on a cloudy day and one too many pumpkin pasties and whispers late at night."_

_"But I'm not ugly?"_ She asked, somewhat confused by what he had just said.

He shook his head, she never understood anything she was supposed to understand._ "No, you're golden."_

_"Why can't I be silver?"_

_"Shut up."_

_"But if my lips are closed how am I supposed to casually slip you the tongue while we're kissing?"_

His face turned red and he sent her a piercing glare._ "I need to find a good young woman, not some wild tramp!"_

_"Remus!"_ She collapsed in laughter on the grassy hill and pulled him down next to her. _"I'm only a tramp if you don't love me. If you love me, we can do anything."_

_"Oh, really?"_

_"Yes."_

_"So we could make love, right in this field, and that's acceptable?"_

She almost blushed...and it was no easy task, making Lily Evans blush._ "No,"_ she shook her head very slowly,_ "not unless you love me."_

_"I just have to say I love you?"_

_"Yes."_

He was quiet.

_"Well,"_ she added, _"you have to mean it too."_

_"I do love you,"_ he said simply, just as simply as his Mother would announce that potatoes and carrots were for supper, just as simply as he would mix a potion, just as simply as the way her hand always found his.

_"Well then."_ It was a credit to Lily Evan's character that she was always keeping people on the edge of their seats, always shocking them, always leaving them absolutely baffled. At that very moment, she threw her head to the sun and laughed and laughed. Then she began to unbutton her wrinkled white collared shirt. Remus stared at her.

_"It'll wreck everythi--"_ he whispered into her neck.

_"Shhhh,"_ she said, kissing him delicately on the cheek. _"No one's around...we're gonna be great, Remus. We're gonna be made beautiful. Life is in the toilet, you know? We're hopeless. There's nothing else out there but this. This moment is all we have...take it, it's yours."_

_"Have you ever, ever before?"_

_"Of course not,"_ she said, giving him a wry smile and a wink._ "Honest, I haven't. Close though."_

Remus watched her throw her shirt on the tree stump and watched her fingers go to the button on her pants as she stood up. He stood next to her in awe. She shook her tiny hips and her pants fell to the ground as she laughed. Suddenly her eyes turned away from the eyes that watched hers.

_"Lily..."_ he touched her chin gently and she looked him in the eyes. He kissed her. He kissed her slowly at first, quietly, the way little children whisper to one another but do not know what they're saying. As they sunk into the long grass he began to kiss her harder, as though this girl he had known for so long was finally being brought to life. She giggled in between kisses, running her shaking hands over his body. **The rest, as they say in books that are not quite history but not quite fantasy, is left up to your imagination.**

The sun began to set as two, cold, small bodies got dressed in a hurry._ "Evans, you forgot your pants!"_

_"Oh God, I forgot to put my pants on..."_ she ran back to the taller figure who was holding a pair of plain black pants. _"Wouldn't want to walk back into the castle without these on."_

He laughed and she kissed him on the lips,_ "shall we?"_

They walked back to the castle, linking arms and sending each other secret smiles. No words were needed. Words only complicate things.


	22. Part 21

**A/N:** What I love about this fic is that I've grown up so much while writing it...and it's grown with me. I got what I would consider "a lot" of reviews for the last chapter and I'm really grateful to my amazing readers, some of you have been here since the beginning and some of you have started reading it somewhere in the middle but either way, thank you. You guys make it so much fun to write. Oh and sorry this one's so long! I didn't mean for it to be this long. 

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_"Well if it isn't Lily Evans sitting on her favorite tree stump, looking devious and eating a biscuit..."_

_"That would be me," she said, standing to face him._

_"What are you doing out here? It's freezing."_

_"Thinking."_

_"About what?"_

_She gave him a glance that suggested he should know exactly what she was thinking about._

_"Oooh," he said with an understanding nod. "I knew I could find you here."_

_"I was hoping no one would find me."_

_"Why?"_

_"It would prove that my life really was as meaningless as I feel like it is."_

_"Shut up."_

_"You know what Remus? Why don't you shut your fat mouth? If you want to come here and tell me to shut up when I'm clearly having a bad day, a bad life, a bad..."_

_"I hate hearing you talk like that. You're my whole world."_

_"SHUT UP."_

_"What did I say wrong this time?"_

_"I'm going to die before you and when that happens what are you going to do? Break?"_

_"Don't you dare even talk about that Evans, don't you dare even..."_

_"It's the truth," she said plainly._

_She had warm tears streaming down her cheeks and he was glaring at her. "You're ridiculous."_

_"Anyway."_

_"I missed you at dinner."_

_"I'm sure you really missed me when you were shoveling turkey into that fat mouth of yours."_

_"Lily..." he moved closer to her and gently touched her shoulder. She turned to look at him. "Please don't do this."_

_"We're not characters in a storybook with a happy ending ahead of us, Remus. We're not genuises and we're not lovely looking...we're not going to find the countercurse for a violent spell, we're not going to change the world. That's what I realized today. I realized that you and me, we're just like the lint that gets on your robes, or the crumb of a biscuit on a wooden table. The universe doesn't care about us, our parents don't care about us, this school doesn't care about us..."_

_"Wasn't it you who told me that this moment would last forever? Wasn't it you who told me this world is all we have? Wasn't it you who put your arms around my neck and said that you were all mine?"_

_"That was a long time ago."_

_"And it was you, Lily Evans who lifted me up when I was on the ground...who fixed me up when I was broken, who held my hand when I was lonely, who kissed me when I was a child who did not understand...you taught me what it's like to be alive."_

_She stroked his cheek with her thumb and he stared at her, forcing her to meet his eyes. "I fixed you because I loved you. I held your hand because I never wanted you to feel lonely. I kissed you because I wanted you to smile..."_

_"Your life has meaning because you give meaning to others, it's a chain reaction. And your life has meaning because I love you, and by loving you...I'm giving your life meaning. Most importantly though, your life has meaning because there's only one Lily Evans and that's you. That's a good thing by the way, I can hardly handle one of you...let alone hundreds."_

_She shyly smiled up at him and grabbed his hand._

_"So I can't just take some arsenic?"_

_"Evans!"_

_"I won't, I won't."_

_"If you do then I'll be kicking your behind in the afterlife...not like I believe in an afterlife, but if I believed in it...you'd be dead a million times over!"_

_"Then lucky for me you don't believe in it."_

_He sighed and took the biscuit from her hand, "and now I'm going to shove this biscuit into my apparently fat mouth."_

_"I didn't mean that, I think you have a lovely mouth...especially when your lips curve up at the ends, when you smile."_

_"Isn't this place that..." he stared down at a patch of weeds arranged in a small circle that went up to his knees._

_"This is the place that I spun around so many times you had to carry me back to the castle!"_

_"You should do it again."_

_"That was a long time ago."_

_"Rubbish."_

_"I'm not doing it."_

_"If you want to turn down a challenge..."_

_"Fine!" She said with a soldier's determined look on her face._

_She spread her arms around and began to twirl around in circle after circle, her feet dancing amongst the weeds. Her hair flew around to cover her eyes and she couldn't stop laughing. As the sun set she finally collapsed in a pile at Remus' feet. She rested her head on his black buckle shoes. "Better than butterbeer," she muttered._

_"Cheaper too," Remus said, bending down on one knee and picking her up with ease. Then he picked up her small brown buckle shoes which were sitting directly in the middle of the circle._

_"I'm seeing all of these strange silver things..."_

_"Stars?"_

_"Mmmm."_

_She kissed him on the ear._

_"Lily?"_

_"Oh Gods, was that your ear? It was supposed to be your cheek..."_

_"We're here," he announced at the castle's door._

_"I'll always be here, Remus...I'll go wherever you go," she said as her lips curled upwards, revealing a smile...at the exact same time his did, of course._


	23. Part 22

A/N: I love this one. I feel like I'm writing my autobiography through Lily...she's such an amazing character and just feels like me on so many levels (which is the only reason I can write this so well.) Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

_"You know, next time you're about ready to choke someone you ought to tell me so I at least have a chance of holding you back. You could be expelled."_

_"So?"_

_"Where would you go?"_

_"Home."_

_"Your home is here, with me."_

_"I suppose."_

_"Please don't look so unhappy...Cindy never knew you, she could never love you the way I love you, she didn't understand you..."_

_"I loved her."_

_"You didn't love her the way you love me."_

_"Of course not. But I loved her."_

_"I'm sorry that John took her away...she was such a twit though."_

_"You hated her because she was dating me. She's a decent person and you know that, Evans."_

_"I didn't hate her."_

_"You glared at her whenever she passed. You wrote her notes explaining how you would break every bone in her body if she hurt me. You slipped toad juice inside of her socks."_

_"That was just once!"_

_"You make me suffer, you know that? We will never end up together and you know that yet you insist on throwing this idea in front of my face every bloody day."_

_"I wouldn't say anything I didn't mean. I really do believe we have a chance. I know that we've done everything wrong and we're both rather awful people but one day..."_

_"You're all dreams. You're oblivious to what's really going to happen."_

_"My dreams are what make your life worth living," she said. "If you didn't think we'd be together someday then you wouldn't always think about me, you wouldn't always want to kiss me, you wouldn't feel so wrong whenever you kiss another girl..."_

_"You're so arrogant. You act like you can change the fate that's laid aside for us...you act like you can cheat destiny."_

_"I don't want that destiny! It's not for me...it's for some perfect Cinderella."_

_"You know what? One day I'll find a girl and when I kiss her I won't be thinking about you."_

_"You can look all you want but you will_ **NEVER** _find her."_

_"You're meant for James. You're meant for James and James only."_

_"Answer this for me Remus...when you made love to me, did you know that one day you would so eagerly give me up?"_

_"You're out of your mind."_

_"Carry me like I'm a doll, kiss my eyelids like I'm a child that doesn't understand, touch my hand like I'll break...but that is not the girl you love. I'm still that eleven year old girl who set her eyes on you and said that there would never be another...I'm strong enough to fight for what I want."_

_"I never promised you a happy ending."_

_"You never promised me anything, Remus."_

_"Exactly..."_

_"...but I am willing to go with you wherever you lead me."_

_He didn't know how to respond to her. She was so confusing. At one moment she looked like she would break at the seams and at the next moment she was strong and certain. He thought she was meant for the clouds, not for this world._

_"You're ridiculous," he said but couldn't hold back the smile forming on his lips._

_"You're ridiculous for putting up with me."_

_"You're right."_

_"You hardly ever say that."_

_"Because you're hardly ever right."_

_"Oh, shut up," she said and hit him on the shoulder._

_She sat down beside him, her back against the tree trunk. Gently she placed her small hand over his thin, pale, artist's hand. He began to hum softly and she began to hum along with him. "We're going to make it," she said. "We're going to make it."_

_"I can't do it without you," he whispered with his head on her shoulder._

_"There is no life for me except the one right by your side...just how we are this second."_

_"I was supposed to save you...but really, you saved me."_

_She kissed his closed eyelids as he drifted off to sleep...he would not awake until the sun rose. She watched him sleep all night long._


	24. Part 23

**A/N:** As arrogant as this sounds, on a whim I began to read _Legacy_ and I fell in love with it. I forgot how heartbreaking it is, how raw...and so I had to continue it. I didn't realize it had been such a long time. I was busy growing up. 

She said, "no one is alone the way you are alone"

And you held her looser than you would have if you ever could have known

Some things tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure

Days like that should last and last and last...

--Dusk & Summer by Dashboard Confessional

* * *

_"Severus always has this pathetic look on his face when he looks at you."_

_"Oh?"_

_"If I didn't know he was heartless, I'd think he was in love with you."_

_She laughed coldly, "Severus isn't capable of love."_

_"You're right...I must've just been imagining those looks."_

_"Yes, that's it. Don't worry your lovely head about it, darling."_

_"I'm going to ask you a question."_

_The green eyed girl rolled over on her stomach and with a hand carelessly on her chin, she surveyed the boy sprawled out next to her. His clothes were perfectly pressed and hers were wrinkled and stained with taffy and lipstick. He looked serene whereas she looked devious. Her feet were bare and his were covered in black leather shoes, his pants were rolled up to the ankle._

_"Ask me anything, except a question I don't want to answer!"_

_"Why do you think James wants you?"_

_She sighed and gave in to the instinct to giggle loudly...it didn't matter, they were the only two people around. "I can be anything."_

_"What?"_

_"It's the same reason you want me, a bit."_

_"And when did I ever say I wanted you?"_

_"You never had to say it once, although you ended up saying it twice."_

_"You're trouble."_

_"You love it."_

_He rolled his eyes and she continued, "I'm not simple. A person could know me for ten years but never scratch the surface. A boy could kiss me millions of times but it would be different each time. I cry so much I start laughing, I laugh so much I start crying. I could break a boy's heart into pieces or I could artfully put it back together. I appear innocent while I slip arsenic into someone's tea. I'm the best actress but I hide like a child."_

_"We're the only real people in the world."_

_"It feels like that sometimes."_

_"We would be so happy if we were away from Hogwarts and all of these people...if magic was in our soul, and not just in our surroundings."_

_"You're more magical than anything I've ever seen at this godforsaken school."_

_"At least we only have one year left."_

_"I like being sixteen, except it's lonely because people want me but I only want one person and that's you...and sometimes you are cold."_

_"I don't mean to be cold."_

_"I know. You're busy with your schoolwork because you actually do yours."_

_His hand began to inch towards hers and she kissed it. She smiled over at him, at once seeming shy as well as crazed._

_"You ought to kiss me right now," she whispered. "Because we're the only real people in the world and this is the only real moment and things will never again be exactly how they are right now...because my lips are pink and your eyes are sparkling and you know you want to..."_

_He kissed her, hesitantly at first and then again quicker, the way moths dance near flame, the way children skip off to bed. She kissed him back, the way a lonely, widowed woman would...desperately, passionately, her eyes glued shut._

_Some time passed and they were soon breathless, their was hair tousled. "One year to go," he said, "and this will all be over."_

_"One year to go," she said, "and everything will have just begun."_


	25. Part 24

**A/N: First of all, to all the readers who have been here since the beginning...THANK YOU! Each and every one of you is appreciated. In my long break from fanfiction, I lived a lot. Some good things happened, some bad things happened but that's life beyond a computer screen, right? I'm 20 years old now! Hope you like this.**

**_'No one said we were victims honey _**

**_No one said we had to keep the things we get _**

**_And there ain't no regrets _**

**_And all our friends, they moved to Hollywood _**

**_But we ain't that desperate yet, oh no ain't nothing like the real thing'  
_**

**_--Cradlesong by Rob Thomas_**

* * *

_"He could take you away from everything that hurts," he said. "He could make you new again. I could never give you what he could...he's the golden boy."_

_"Gold, silver, bronze...I don't bloody care. I won't marry him."_

_"He's a good man."_

_"He is not for me," she said, toying with an apple in one and her wand in the other. "How many times must I tell you?"_

_"He had you, didn't he? Maybe just once or maybe more but he definitely had you."_

_"No one has me," was the defiant response._

_"He laid with you."_

_"Maybe he did, maybe he didn't," she said, in a singsong voice. "But you did too so who are you to complain?"_

_"You tricked him."_

_"And why would I do that?"_

_"Because you can."_

_"Hmmm...well I really only have eyes for you, but I am not so high on the pedestal now am I?"_

_He rolled over on his back and watched the way she leaned on her elbows. He wasn't so sure if this was the same girl he met when they were eleven or not. He wanted to know if he would ever be able to truly figure her out. He wanted to know that some things never change. "You lost the pedestal years ago! I suppose when I caught you in the broom closet with John. Your face was so red."_

_"I've disappointed you."_

_"Well, sometimes...but it's human nature, isn't it?"_

_"I suppose."_

_"Have you done loads of bad things?"_

_"Yes!" She laughed and elbowed him in the side. "But don't tell anyone!"_

_"Cindy tried to kiss me in the corridor," he reported plainly._

_"She's pretty with her blond hair and fake smiles."_

_"Do I sense some jealousy?"_

_"She's everything I'm not but I don't care who you kiss, you know."_

_"You never answer my questions."_

_"Remus," she said, looking at him dead in the eyes, "I have never been jealous of anyone in my life and least of all Cindy. She's fluff. You're blowing smoke."_

_"You think I could never have another girl?"_

_"We spend all of our time arguing. There are other ways to pass the time," the glint in her eyes was not lost on him._

_"Did you write to your Mother yet?"_

_"Yes but there is never much to tell her. Everything is the same. I feel like nothing ever happens. I told her I did well on my exams and that I have been eating her fruit cakes...which is a lie, they are like rocks but I cannot tell her that. She asked if anyone has been trying to court me and I wrote back 'not really' because I am not quite sure what courting means. I've never had that."_

_"That's all?"_

_"Oh and she asked about you. I said you are just the same Remus and the only person who gives a damn about me here."_

_"My Mother said I ought to ask you to marry me before some other bloke does."_

_"Hmmm," she said, clearly entertaining the thought. "Your Mother is a smart woman."_

_"Not as smart as my Father."_

_"You don't think women are as clever as men, do you? Maybe that is why we can never marry!"_

_"Some women are clever but most are dull."_

_"True," she agreed, biting into her apple. Both of them were on their backs in the grass, looking up at a sky that looked like it would produce thunderstorms any moment. She rested her head on his shoulder. "When did we get so old?"_

_"We are barely seventeen!"_

_"My question stands."_

_"Oh, does it? I don't see any legs."_

_"Very funny," she replied sarcastically. "Please just answer."_

_"I don't know. Life moves the fastest when you don't think it's moving at all."_

_"I feel like an old woman sometimes," she said in a whisper. "I'm too old for these kid things."_

_"Lily Marie, sometimes you make me tie your shoes and you can't fall asleep until you've had your biscuits...you are anything but old."_

_"I told you never to repeat that I'm bad at tying knots and that I need the aroma of biscuits before I can sleep!"_

_"You're in safe company," he said with a knowing smile. She smiled back._

_"I am, aren't I?"_

_"You are. You've lost weight," he said, prodding her stomach which was revealed when her white shirt came up in the breeze. She made no motion to pull it back down._

_"Trying not to. It's exams."_

_"Since when do you care about your marks?"_

_"Well, I am trying to grow up!"_

_"You're lovely just as you are."_

_"Thanks," she said, planting a kiss on his cheek._

_He stood up and leaned over to give her a hand. Instead of taking his hand to get up from the grass, she yanked him back down beside her. "We should get going," he said._

_She laughed, "it's not night yet!"_

_He nodded his head in agreement and pulled her on top of him, kissing her until they were both covered in grass stains and her eye makeup was smeared and then until the grass stains were no longer visible because their clothes were no longer on. "You're the golden one," she whispered. "Not me and not James. It's always been you."_


End file.
